Bertha - A Christmas Story

It was December 24th and all through my mind,

Bertha was raging with chaos unkind.

But silly old me determined to ignore her,

Decided to make brunch despite the disorder.

I made a simple meal, proud of my success,

Then I leaned over the stove to clean up the mess.

There was a feeling of warmth blooming in my chest

I thought it was pride swelling through my breast

But the scent of burning cloth and singed flesh

Made me pull back from the stove in realization and distress

Self congratulatory and distracted,

I didn’t notice that bitch Bertha had definitely acted

Thinking I had turned off the stove, was just a Bertha illusion,

Meant to continue to destroy my self-control delusions.

As I sit here with ice pack to my burned nipple and breast

I concede this time Bertha may have won the contest.

I'm clearly judging myself

Yes...those are burner marks on my shirt

And then the story gets even better on Christmas Day. Because....

Me - Tells the whole world how I accidentally burned and blistered my boob on Christmas Eve

My Husband - Merry Christmas, here is a new Propane and Butane torch for you.

Is it wrong that I can not wait to light these babies up and work on some #Encaustic pieces.

Please say a prayer for the body parts I have yet to accidentally burn. Merry Christmas....and I hope you have as good a laugh at this as I have. There is something hilarious about spewing profanities while running ice cold water over your burned nipple....at the kitchen sink...in full view of any neighbors that walks by. #AppearancesBeDamned

Merry Burnmas